I thought long and hard about what I should start my blog with. I thought to myself write something you know. Something that you have a vast amount of experience in. Well the only thing I have a vast amount of experience in is being a single mom, and trying to navigate the trials and tribulations that come with it. So lets start at the very beginning and tell a little bit of background.

I have had failed marriages, and many many failed relationships. Out of these failures I was given my livelihood. My children. My oldest son is 12, his father I never married never really wanted to. He was a drug addict that I thought I could change.  I have two other children from my last failed marriage. A 4 year old daughter and a 18 month old son. Yes big age difference, but thats because I stayed away from men in general until my son was 7 and I stepped out of my comfort zone and started dating. Within a year my daughter was born, I told him I wouldn't marry him until  she was a year old, because I wanted to make sure that it was for me and not my daughter. Well I married him. The marriage lasted not even a year. Because as they say YOU NEVER KNOW A PERSON UNTIL YOU LIVED WITH THEM OR MARRIED THEM.

He turned out to be a selfish person and only cared about his self and how he was perceived. He cared only about his money and to this day I have no clue what he did with it. He was so worried about his pocket book that he even cut the air conditioning to my sons room in the middle of summer just so he wouldn't have to pay more on the electric bill and we live in TEXAS. So we married in October by July I had left him and the one thing that pushed me over the edge was that I was inducted into the College National Honor Society for having an almost perfect GPA (3.98) and he refused to come because he would have to miss work, but he took the whole weekend off to go to his nieces high school graduation and she only lived 30 minutes away and we were only gone two hours but he couldn't take a few hours off in the afternoon to go to something that meant the world to his wife. Something that I strived for and worked my butt off for. So I left. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant with my third child. In the state of Texas, if the woman is pregnant, you cannot get a divorce until after the baby is born, you could file, but it wouldn't be final until after the baby was born. So I filed for divorce, temporary orders were signed, I found a really good job (my bosses are wonderful and I still work for them). Was still going to school full time, working full time, pregnant, raising two beautiful kids all with no help from him because he never paid child support like he was ordered to do on my daughter. Doing good, and according to my friends happier. My third and final baby was born in March. A week later passed all my finals and graduated with the highest honors. We decided to work it out for the kids sake, I was still living with my parents and he was still living with his parents, then I walked in on him in the shower facetiming some girl and telling her that he was only being nice so he didn't have to pay child support and see the baby. I ripped into him and told him that between now and when the divorce was final the only time he was seeing the kids was when it was court ordered. The divorce was final in April after my son was born. I didn't talk to him about anything unless it pertained to the kids.

Well when my baby went for his one month check up I told my pediatrician that something on his head didn't feel right like it was ridged, she felt around and agreed with me and recommended that we see a specialist. We did (he went because despite everything he is his father) My baby was diagnosed with cranial cynatosis. For those who don't know what that is, its when the baby was born without a soft spot, if it was not corrected he would not develop as needed. So when my son was 3 1/2 months old (because it needed to be done by 4 months) he underwent cranial surgery that included nuerosurgeon, cranial specialist, and a plastic surgeon It lasted 4 hours and he was in ICU for two days (hardest and most difficult thing for a mother to do), through that process my ex husband and I started working things out or trying to.

We were no longer married, and never remarried. Divorce papers were signed and orders given, through this time I never received any child support, never thought about it, we decided to move in together again, lived together for 8 months. Divorce decree states that child support obligation only goes away if we remarried. He never asked and we never did. He almost died last December, I was there through everything, his ICU stay, his surgery's, him being out of work for a month. Never whimpered, never complained. I cried alot in private, but I smiled and carried on in public. During all this time I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, for those who do not know what it is Fibromyalgia is a chronic nerve and muscle disease. Never the same symptoms in every patient. You do not look sick on the outside, but on the inside your nerves are rapid firing, or muscles ache deep to the bone and not just one muscle all of them. Theres no cure, but it can be controlled by medicine, which mine is controlled, but I still have very very bad days.  We lived together from January 2016 to August 31, 2016.  In this amount of time he only paid half the rent for May June and half of July. He paid three electric bills (Water is included on the electric bill), and no gas bills. I paid everything and put food on the table, essentials, and for the childrens extracurricular activities (dance, band). No child support came in. Its going on two years that I have received no child support from him, and whatever he gave me for the bills I put on a spreadsheet and mailed an affidavit to the Attorney General stating it was direct payment. I was the one who told the AG that he was sick, I was the one who told them about the 1099 (contract work) that he was doing, I informed them every step of the way. He ignored there phone calls, he ignored there letters, he assumed that I took care of everything. I did my part, we aren't married and since we are not married there is only so much I can do. He was the only one who could do it.

Well on August 31, 2016 the AG garnished his paycheck and his bank account for all the back child support minus the direct payments he gave me. It came to roughly $8,500.00. and it put him about 8000 negative in his account  (I do not have this money, they have not given it to me, and I do not expect to get it any time soon). Well as you can imagine he blew up. He blew up loud and clear, told me I screwed his life, that it was all my fault,etc. I called the AGs office first thing in the morning (ME I CALLED THEM) and asked what could be done and why it was done, even after I sent the affidavits. They stated that there was nothing I could do, that he was so far behind that even the affidavits wouldn't have helped. I asked them if it was my fault, they said there was nothing I could do, we weren't married, he didn't answer there calls, or call them, and he ignored there letters. They stated that if HE would have just called them it never would have happened. He left, he moved out, and refuses to talk to me, and what hurt the most, is that he thinks that I am so heartless of a bitch (even after me taking care of things all those months he was sick, and in the hospital) that he honestly thinks that I wouldn't have helped him or given any of that money back. I told him we were done, that I was done with the back and forth and him breaking my heart for the last time. I also told him that I did not want to talk to him anymore unless it pertains to our kids. It once again came down to money, and it hitting his pocketbook, and once again him choosing something else over us in this case it was money.

I honestly believe that it was all about the money. That the only reason he was with me to begin with is so that he wouldn't have to pay child support, and that I would take care of things because I would kill myself working just to make sure my kids are provided for even if it means me going without.

My points in this blog are going to be about that. Living for your kids, but also for yourself. Its not just for single moms but single dads as well. That you do not need someone else to depend on to be happy. That you can be happy just by living and doing things for your kids and making them happy.